Little White Lies
by Broken Antler in Winter
Summary: It was just a little white lie, wouldn't harm anyone. If Richard Grayson, if Robin pretended to be a boy, everything would be better and no one would get hurt, and she would get a sense of normalcy. That's what Dick Grayson told herself every time she doubted herself. But this was yet another little white lie...
1. Chapter 1

**Hi. I just noticed that everyone else did these author notes so...hi. Does anyone else think that Studio Ghibli's modern movies suck compared to the classics? I do. **

* * *

When Richard John Grayson was born, it was in a circus tent, where they decided that calling her a boy wouldn't be so bad of an idea. Mary Grayson made a promise to her parents years ago when she married John Grayson, that if she had a son, the son could continue their Flying Graysons act. If she had a daughter, the daughter _must_ be returned to their hometown. Yet when Mary Grayson realized that she would never be able to have another child again, she wasn't willing to give her daughter up.

Jack Haley was there, and if you asked him, he would say that the little girl was beautiful, and would be even more beautiful on the trapeze flying. When Mr. Haley said this, John Grayson made a choice to turn his little girl to his son.

And in that chaotic turning point of a family's life was where Richard John Grayson was born.

Mary Grayson always said it was a little white lie, something that would cause the least harm when nobody knew. So they dressed her as a him and let him perform as one too, with Aunt Karla, Uncle Rick, and Cousin John. It was a perfect little family. John Grayson did not care if his little girl was to be his little boy, he knew that no matter what the birth certificate says, Richard Grayson was his child. And that was enough.

Then why was there that day, once every month, where a little girl was spotted in the crowds of the visitors of Haley's Circus with Mary Grayson? A mother would want to raise a son, but not just a son, a daughter too. With the benefits of motherhood ripped from her by Mother Nature, Mary Grayson decided she would be able to experience raising both with one.

That was how Robin was born. Not a nickname, not a tease, it was how nature intended her to be.

Richard John Grayson divided her time up like this: Richard John Grayson was a carefully cultivated personality, with a the boyish mischief and love for showing off. Robin was a girl who was, to some extent, free of the burdens that were placed upon the other. Robin did not have any close friends in the Circus, but Robin could play all she wanted, until she needed to leave. Robin wasn't confused about the line between being a boy and being a girl, but Richard was, until Richard began to accept it, and treaded on the thin line between feminine and masculine.

It was a sense of normalcy that formed. So she was a boy, she was never one who thought she needed to be one. It just didn't seem so important anymore.

After all, it was just a little white lie.

* * *

That sense of normalcy was shattered the moment they fell to the ground.

When they dragged her, him, away from the bodies weeping furiously, Richard retreated into Robin. She thought about the trips out with her mother as Robin, and she tried to forget. But it didn't work. Richard couldn't be Robin after what happened. Richard was the one who had shoulders strong enough to carry the burdens. Robin did not wait for him to arrive, and instead cheerfully abandoned him.

When they sent Richard to Juvenile Detention Hall since the systems were full, Robin retreated into Richard so she could remain carefree. Though Richard received scar after scar, Robin was still innocent, Robin was like Peter Pan living freely, flying without a care.

Robin was hiding for a long time.

Though Richard became hesitant to trust, Robin wholeheartedly believed in the good of the world, even Gotham, because it was never Robin who spat out the blood or tried to walk with a broken leg. It was never Robin who had a knife to her throat before finally _someone_ noticed her struggling and decided to take the knife away.

When Richard Grayson was visited by one Bruce Wayne, Robin decided to come out. She thought that in a room without the other people, she could escape, just for a little moment, the dire straits she was in. Bruce Wayne was enchanted by the little boy who decided to put on another face for the moment.

The moment Richard Grayson entered Wayne Manor, he was careful. Robin hardly came out then, he was too burdened by the loss. But Robin appeared now and then, bringing a little laughter to place so much like a mausoleum.

It was two weeks since Richard arrived that Bruce Wayne and Alfred Pennyworth discovered the girl living in their homes. Her nightmarish screams reached Bruce Wayne even in the cave, and Bruce Wayne learned something he never suspect, something that even the World's Finest didn't notice. Every night, Richard would take off her wig and wear that sleeping gown from that little box her mother always kept in the closet. Every morning she would take off the gown and put the wig back on. She was born like this and never thought there was something odd about it, she thought it was natural. So when Alfred asked him about the dress, she squirmed and looked down before she whispered, "It was a little white lie."

When Richard found out that Batman was going after Tony Zucco, her heart was full of hatred, and she was ready to search for him. She put on a costume, and ran out to help the Batman. He knew that he needed to do this. Richard wanted revenge.

The circus was a sick joke to Zucco. Richard found the Batcave and looked through the files to find Batman.

He didn't care that Bruce Wayne was Batman, he just cared that Batman knew where Zucco was. He found Zucco, and aided Batman in escaping the trap. As Batman cornered Tony Zucco on the edge of the trapeze, and as Tony Zucco fell down, down, and down before he could be caught, something woke up in Richard, something that swung in on the ropes and caught Zucco.

It was Robin. Robin was the only one who could look at the man and say that her parents wouldn't want her to become a murderer. Robin was the one who saved Richard from darkness.

But in doing so, Robin lost her innocence, and was laden with even more responsibility and burdens than Richard was. Robin was the one who wished to ensure that no one ever lost their family on her watch. Robin grew up a hundred years that night. Robin was no longer that Peter Pan who flew happily across the skies, she was flying with the memories of her family.

That is why when Richard Grayson took the vow, she chose the name Robin, because Robin felt the drive, and Robin grew up. Robin was self-sacrificing enough to be a hero.

But to keep that sense of normalcy, Robin was a Boy Wonder. Richard was too. It was a habit. It was a sense of normalcy. Robin was no longer the innocent one, but then one day, when Alfred asked what name she wanted when she went out with him once a month as a girl, she replied, "Pan."

It was a sense of normalcy.

It was a little white lie.

* * *

In the entire world, only five people outside of Wayne Manor knew the truth of the little white lie.

Jack Haley knew because he was there. When Richard Grayson was born, he was the one who murmured half-true words of encouragement into Mary Grayson's ears. He was the one who helped the little girl become the little boy. But he would never betray the secret. He was also the only one outside of the crime-fighting that knew Richard Grayson, or as his intimate family calls him, Dick Grayson was Robin. He knew Dick Grayson was Robin even before Robin the Boy Wonder was born, and he chuckled sadly every time he saw those words anywhere.

In his eyes Robin was a carefree little girl, but that was true no longer.

Leslie Thompson knew because it was a matter of life and death. When Robin was shot through the chest, the Kevlar breaking after two other shots at the same place, a distraught Batman brought her to Doctor Thompson, where surgery was performed. She was the one who lashed on the gloves and cut off the Kevlar to find that the Boy Wonder was not who she said she was. It made Leslie more careful about the girl. It made Leslie wince every time the girl was called a boy, not because of the mistake, it was because the Boy Wonder almost died one time too many.

In her eyes Robin was vulnerable, but she knew that Robin would live.

Clark Kent knew because Bruce Wayne, not Batman, needed someone to confide in. When Bruce Wayne found out about the little white lie, he didn't know what to do. Warding a boy would already be hard enough, but a girl...Bruce Wayne didn't know where to go to. He called over Clark Kent, who flew at the fastest speeds when the message said _EMERGENCY_. Superman would always be there to make sure no one else found out, and to make sure that Richard Grayson would always keep a bit of her innocence and happiness.

In his eyes Robin was still a child, and needed to be looked after.

Diana Prince knew because Richard Grayson needed someone to confide in. Wonder Woman's motherly instincts was too close for comfort when she needed to care for Robin while Alfred was in England and Batman and Superman were off-world. Richard was constantly reminded of her own mother, and broke down crying and admitting everything. She missed those once a month outings as the girl with her mother. It was when Alfred was not enough, and the girl needed a mother. Diana went out on the outings as much as possible after that.

In her eyes Robin was something of a daughter, someone who needed her mother.

J'onn J'onzz knew because he could feel it. Robin was visiting the Watchtower, and proceeded to do her acrobatics. But when she saw stopped, she couldn't stop projecting loudly the thoughts that it was Mother's Day and on Mother's Day she always went on an outing with even her father with her. She couldn't stop projecting the images of the sunlight and the laughter and the _freedom_. J'onn suggested that Robin write this all down somewhere, and the thoughts would be released. Though sometimes J'onn wished he could hear it again, it was so _happy_, a happiness that only an average family could have.

In his eyes Robin grew up far too fast.

Robin still walked the tightrope almost falling into the chasms that separated the female and the male, but she never saw this. She didn't know that it wasn't a matter of whether or not the charm Zatanna gave Batman was disguising her hair's length or not. She never saw the times she teetered almost into a full girl, or when she was just grabbing on from being completely consumed by her created personality.

Maybe it was living with her family that never considered something effeminate that she didn't know the line. Maybe it was an acceptance that she was who she was. But she never drew the line.

That was why she thought it was normal for a thirteen year-old boy to have a charm. She made it after an outing. It was her greatest symbol of her parent's love.

_"Mami, look at the robin!" the girl yelled as she chased the flying bird into the trees. She could still see her mother laughing behind her and the circus working away. She ran and ran deeper and deeper until she was completely lost. Looking around, the little robin seemed to nod at the little girl, urging her to follow. She did and kept following, until she found her mother. It was there that the little bird landed that Robin found a prize. It was a beautiful piece of amber, clear in every single way, and the size of a plum, and underneath it, three feathers of the robin._

Her father carved it into the shape of a robin, drilled a small hole and looped in the feathers. He then strung amber robin on a piece of brown string and placed one after another of beads. It was perfect. And it was the charm that she held on to as she got through first months after the fall. It was as if amber robin was a lifeline.

And it was sitting on her bed in the Mountain, gazing into the hypnotizing patterns of the amber when she first learned about the line.

* * *

After weeks of stellar performance in both school and in patrol, Bruce relented and gave Robin a chance to stay overnight at the mountain. She lied on her bed staring at the blank ceiling, thinking of the night ahead. She thought of the what ifs. What if by accident she revealed her little white lie? A always, to reassure herself, she took her charm and kept it in her hands, preparing herself for the night ahead. Richard Grayson was an outcast, rejected by jealousy and scorn. Robin was too busy. She never stayed the night somewhere else before, even when Richard was just a normal boy living in a not so normal circus.

Wallace West never suspected anything. He noticed small things though, things that he dismissed, like the fact that even for a boy his age, his friend the Boy Wonder was small framed. Wally noticed his friend was confused of what was feminine and masculine in the fact that he felt perfectly normal applying makeup to Artemis and that he cooked without hesitation. Robin never scorned the colors that were considered feminine.

Even if Richard Grayson was technically a genius, with great social abilities, and a detecting ability that you could only achieve under the wing of Batman, she was still undoubtedly confused about genders. In her mind the line didn't even exist.

But Wally didn't know that when he knocked on the door and spotted the carved robin in his friend's hands. Wally only knew that Robin had secrets. He didn't know how the next words would affect her.

"Dude, you have girl stuff?" he exclaimed at the sight of the beaded amber charm.

Robin never faltered. Richard Grayson wouldn't even react at the words. But this time it was Pan who said, "What did you say?" It wasn't the hostile response that those words aimed to get. It was confused, hurt, and even a little scared.

Wally could not distinguish the tone. "Dude, stop playing with your girl stuff and come on to watch the movie. M'gann chose a Disney movie." Wally then chose to speed off, leaving Pan alone to think.

"Girl stuff, huh. I never thought of it that way. There's a difference," said Pan as she kept walking. The shock had scared Pan out of hiding, but as soon as she sat down on, Pan was gone.

"Hey beautiful," Wally said to M'gann, leaning into her and causing Superboy to growl fiercely, "What are we tonight babe?"

"Oh I always wanted to watch a Disney movie! So I chose Snow White because the little dwarfs were so _adorable_!"

Wally slumped. "Great! A _princess_ movie!" he mumbled sarcastically.

"Oh shut it Baywatch. If you chose the movie we'd die of boredom by the end." Artemis smacked Wally on his head.

"Tonight is M'gann's choice. Next week will be your choice, Wally," said Kaldur, mediating the argument before it started.

"Wally, just admit you like princesses," smirked Robin, making Wally turn red, grumble, but stop complaining.

And the night passed uneventfully for Robin, until the moment M'gann decided to ask the question, "What is your favorite princess? They're so pretty!" M'gann turned into a perfect replica of Snow White.

"Mulan, she's a princess and she could kick Baywatch's butt," waved Artemis nonchalantly. Wally turned red at the words, vibrated a little, before answering himself.

"Definitely that Sleepy Beautiful, she's the hottest. Though not as hot as you, babe," Wally said, turning to M'gann and smiling. Robin snickered, shaking his head at his friend's antics.

M'gann giggled and moved closer to Superboy before saying, "I love Snow White! I haven't seen the others yet. But she's so pretty and nice!"

Kaldur hesitated for a moment before stating clearly, "Ariel seems to resemble a friend of mine at Atlantis. Her name is Tula." Kaldur cut off there without further description and put his hand to his chin in an expression that expressed deep thinking.

Superboy served no reaction, he didn't know.

But Robin sat in concentration. In her knowledge, boys were not supposed to like princesses. But then again, Kaldur and Wally both said their own. She sat up straight and said, "I prefer Eleanor of Aquitaine. She was the most powerful woman in all of Europe during the Middle Ages. Pretty asterous."

"Uh, Rob, ignore your inner geek, and tell us the _Disney_ favorite."

"Oh. Then I don't have one. The princesses in there are fairly underwhelming, heavy on the under. And anyways, Snow White was the first Disney princess movie I ever watched. But anyone here watched Robin Hood? _That _is pretty whelming." Noticing everyone's skeptical stares, Robin exclaimed, "Well, do you guys have another movie? It's hardly late!" before muttering so quietly that no one could hear, "It's normal for girls to like princesses."

Suddenly, the machines announced, _Batman-02_, and Batman came out saying, "Team, you are going into a training simulation."

* * *

When Richard Grayson woke up the morning after the catastrophic training for failure simulation, it was before anyone else. Richard tended to sleep for three hours every day, and the last night the Team stayed up until three before they could handle it no longer. As she packed her belongings, ready to Zeta to the Batcave, Kid Flash rushed to meet her.

"Come on Rob, M'gann planned the trip for days, and you leave without even knowing where we're going! We need to have some bonding and relaxing from, you know, what happened..."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

Robin rushed into the Zeta Tubes and went directly to the Batcave. It was an eerie and chilling place, no place to raise a child. Yet, with the inexhaustible supply of support from Alfred, they made do with the cave. The monotonous dripping and rays of sunlight streaming from the waterfall became a steady rhythm in which life began anew for both the child and the other residents of Wayne Manor.

Apathetically, the little bird who brought sunlight into Wayne Manor was falling into the gloom herself. Kid Flash would know nothing of why she was leaving, and she meant to keep it that way, just a little white lie.

Slipping into her private room, Robin stripped herself of her costume, and began to dress for the trip she was taking. It was an outing, alone to think and to reminisce. She slipped on a white lace dress, white gloves, white leggings, a sun hat, and a pair of black shoes, before taking out her bag for the day. Carefully applying makeup on her exposed skin, she sighed, as she wiped concealer on a messy 'JOKER' scar on her forearm.

"I can escape the burdens, lay them down, but it won't cover the scars."

She took out a simple red bicycle, and used the Zeta Tubes to Gotham Cemetery.

When the Flying Graysons fell, Richard John Grayson was left weeping hysterically at the trapeze's platform, as if willing the dead, broken bodies to live again, to wake up as if nothing ever happened. She heard the snap that cut through the sounds of the cheering crowd, and she saw the twisting figures desperately trying to get back on the ropes, and worst of all, she heard the horrific crack as the heads and the bones fell to the ground, bleeding furiously. She heard it all once again as Artemis, as Kaldur, even _Bruce_ fell down. Though the Boy Wonder already spilled his heart out to Black Canary, Richard John Grayson knew the best sort of help she could get was to visit and say hello.

Eyes filling up with tears the moment she entered the graveyard, she locked her bicycle to the gates and ambled to the five graves placed in a row. Tracing the little ridges that formed the letters on the plaques, the words had little meaning to her now. All she could feel was the moss and the vines clinging to the pristine marble stones. Everything in the yard spoke of grief, but a Flying Grayson was supposed to fly, not rot forever in the ground. But it comforted her that they were there. It was proof that the happiness and stability wasn't a faded memory or a trick of imagination.

"Hi Mami, hi Tati. Remember me, Auntie Karla? Uncle Rick? John? Remember when I told you about the new friends I made? I just want you to know that I'm trying to do all there is to make you all proud. Are you proud? I keep flying, though now I fly for different reasons, and I always keep the charm with me. Remember when we put a drop of our blood on each feather? You're always with me right? Bruce is okay, as usual, still cold and distant, he's just a complete introvert with no social skills. But now that I think about it, only a complete introvert could stand our little secret without overreacting. Alfred is omniscient and omnipotent as usual. I just feel so much pressure on me and I don't want everyone to look at me like I'm weak when sometimes I am."

Robin took a deep breath, and laid down the roses she picked when she was in Alfred's gardens.

"I'm sorry if I disappointed anyone, but I'm trying as hard as I can but no one can see! Sometimes it's the secrets that confuse me and burden me with more and more. I sometimes wonder if I can even be Pan anymore. It's overwhelming, heavy on the over. I sometimes wish I was still flying with you. But it's okay, right? I've moved on."

"You would say I need a new family. But I can't tell the Team my secrets. Artemis would look at me as weak. M'gann would overreact. None of them would treat me as they treat the others, like a sister. Connor would avoid. Kaldur would try to accept but look at me with completely different eyes. Wally would just feel incredibly betrayed. Everything would be completely awkward. Sometimes I consider telling Babs and even _Bette_! I remember when the sense of normalcy and habit formed in Wayne Manor, but that was only when they knew and adjusted. Now that I spend more and more time in the Mountain, I can't help but feel that sense of normalcy we only half-built after you left shatter. I just miss you guys and I need you more than ever, I don't know where to go one from here. I don't want to die with secrets half-buried. But, well, I guess it's as you always say, Tati, just fly with the wind."

Robin cackled, a mirthless cackle with a hint of sadness in it.

"I love you. And thank you. Just thank you for everything."

* * *

When Pan rode away from the cemetery, the last place she expected to end up in was Happy Harbor Beach. She was upset, but somehow elated by the visit, and she needed someplace with sunlight and beauty. Gotham was no option, with polluted rivers and soot black beaches. But Happy Harbor with its glistening white sands and aquamarine colors was a place to relax. It was a place to think. She went to a random stand and bought a towel and an umbrella before picking a small spot on the beach. She felt relaxed, free, as she started to drift into a calming sleep...

"WATCH OUT!" a frightfully familiar voice called out. A red headed blur slammed into Pan, falling on her and groaning.

It was Wally.

"Are you okay beautiful?" the boy asked the shocked girl. She smiled slightly, thinking of the things she could do... Beautiful, it was such an overused term, something that never applied to Richard John Grayson, though it could apply to Pan. But being called that struck her as how different the two lives were. It was a fork in the road and she decided to tread on both, facing the demons and slaying them.

"Yes," she said simply, wiping the sand off her dress. It was a small motion, but it conveyed the repressed loneliness, that Kid Flash recognized from Robin.

"So beautiful, the name's Wally. What's your name?"

"Pan. So, _Wally_, anything you want to say?"

"Sorry about the spill. Want me to make it up for you?" Wally leaned in, grabbed her hand, and pulled her away, speeding off to the place where the Team was. It was another demon, with fate making sure that Pan and the Team would meet, but she would face the demon. And somewhere inside her, though she would never admit it, she wanted to be Pan in front of them. Now was the chance.

Leading her to the Team, Robin saw M'gann on her stomach with her skin human, having her feet buried by Superboy. Artemis was wearing sunglasses and a bikini, with a water gun on her side. Kaldur was walking up from the water, curious to know who the new person was.

"Beautiful, these are my friends and Artemis. This is Megan, this is Connor, and this is Kal. Guys, this is Pan, met her when running on the beach."

"Actually," the corners of her lips tilted upwards as she dug her left foot into the sand, "He crashed into me and then dragged me here. Nice to meet you too." Robin thrust her hands forward and waited...for no one to shake it. Megan tried to fake a smile, and was failing spectacularly. Artemis just raised an eyebrow, frowned. Connor grunted. And Kaldur just studied her with a calculated look, before taking the hand and shaking it.

"Why are you all so unhappy?" Robin asked. She knew exactly what they were thinking of, but she had already recovered from it. She knew that if she continued to be lackluster, then it would consume her. Now that she thought about it...if lackluster meant that she _lacks luster_, then does lusterful mean she is full of it?

"We experienced something rather traumatic that I would rather not speak of," said Kaldur, apologetically looking at her and sitting down. Robin followed suit.

"I understand, same thing happened to me a few years ago. But then I found out that if you dwell on it too much, all you get is the pain again tenfold. So I tried to make the best if it," said Robin. She let out a long breath, it was a relief to tell that to the Team, as Robin the Boy Wonder could never. But who would connect this 13 year-old girl at the beach with billionaire Bruce Wayne's _male_ ward?

"They see what they want to see," she whispered. It was amazing how even Barbara never noticed the fact that, the moment Dick Grayson entered Gotham Academy, students had private washrooms and change rooms. It was amazing how no one even noticed her feminine features. Bruce was the World's Greatest Detective since he noticed and he asked, he didn't conclude from what people told him.

But Bruce never noticed on his own.

"How would you know?" Artemis asked fiercely.

When Artemis was born, she was thrown into a world where it was kill or be killed. She faced things head on, and always felt that no one really tried to understand what she went through, especially when even her father did not bother. So why did she snap? Artemis was afraid if she did not keep her head high, she would sink as far down as her father and her sister...villains.

"Artemis, do not be rude," Kaldur interrupted before Robin could form her reply.

When Kaldur was born, he was thrust into a world where he needed to make sense of the loss and abandonment. That was why he needed to think everything through, because he was not one to take risks, afraid that the people around him that he loved would leave. So why did he make peace? Kaldur was afraid that he would be abandoned, he didn't want that to be a possibility.

"Thank you Pan," sighed M'gann, downcast.

When M'gann was born, she grew up in a world where no one accepted her because she was a _white __martian_. So she tried to be as kind as she could so that people would accept her and not cast her out. So why did she thank Pan? M'gann was afraid people would fear her powers, and now she learned that she should simply put the memories behind her and live with the lessons.

Connor grunted.

When Connor came out, he came to a world which he could never fully understand. He grew hostile of his surroundings, but what Pan said reminded him of Black Canary, and no matter what, Canary was kind to him. He could get used to it. So why did Connor just grunt? Connor was confused, and didn't know what else to do.

Wally just said, "Hey guys, the tide's coming in! So beautiful, want to go swimming?"

When Wally was born, it was in a loving family. But things turned dour when Mr. West lost his job, and decided to take his anger out on Wally. Now Wally tried to gain attention, it didn't matter if it was unfavorable or not, so that they wouldn't leave him like his mother did. So why did Wally flirt? Wally needed attention.

"Sorry, Wally, I didn't bring a swimsuit. I guess I didn't think things through. I was just visiting my parents," she tried to make it seem like an offhanded comment. It worked. She thought of just annoying the Team, but that was for another time. Now was the time to heal. For a second, she felt a sense of normalcy.

Tensions slowly eased. Friendships were forged. Minds were healed. But as the glorious summer sun set, when Pan said goodbye, she left as quickly as possible, smoothly lying that she needed to finish a project with a friend. One part of her wanted to tell them everything, the other knew it was false hope. The other part knew that this should not be said. It was like the knowledge of Kaldur's true father, M'gann's true form, Connor's mole program, Wally's broken home life, and Artemis' past.

It was just another secret.

It was just a little white lie.

* * *

**I couldn't help myself. The idea came and I even spent a whole night thinking about it. I'm not sure if it's just going to be a one-shot, or if I'm going to make it a whole story. You know what, I'll just check the statistics on this thing in a month or maybe even a day. **

**Leave a review if you want to see this continued. **

**Now a question: Who would be the perfect villain for this story?  
**

**I'm just mulling it over. Poison Ivy? Joker? Harvey Dent? Talia? THE LIGHT? **

**You all know the last name makes any Young Justice fan gasp. **

**Bye. **


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: This is a _fanfiction _website, enough said. **

**This story doesn't include Rocket and Zatanna because I don't know how they act for one, and Zatanna, well my first impression of her is with Batman, and so it feels uncomfortable to write about this girl that _Bats_ had a relationship with, especially with that lovey dovey-ness she had with Robin. Just...EW!**

**It took a lot of thinking, a lot of daydreaming, and a lot of reading over comic book panels in Google Images (Does anyone know a better way, cause I would really want to know), but it's finally here!**

* * *

When Bruce Wayne first thought of Richard Grayson as his son, it was a cold night in Gotham in Robin's second year as a vigilante, and through the gloom of the skyscrapers and the heavily pounding rainfall, the only thing that the Dark Knight was looking for was his son. Bruce Wayne never truly thought of Richard Grayson as a girl. In his mind it did not hold a definition. So to avoid the confusion that wracked him every time he thought otherwise, he would always think of Richard Grayson as his son.

So then why were the adoption papers still sitting in his desk and gathering dust?

Apprehensive was the correct word to describe Bruce Wayne whenever he got close to that secluded corner-desk in the shade, with not a simple lamp above it. It chilled him. Batman was a man of action, who did not falter, but Bruce Wayne did.

Now it was Bruce Wayne, not Batman, who was speeding through Gotham City trying to find his protege, no his _son. __  
_

Following the smallest blimp on the tracker, Batman was led to Gotham Cemetery, a dream-catcher of nightmares and fright for this late-night vigilante. They say that the weeping willows and moorish hills are haunted by ghosts of the past. They say the wilting flowers and fading grass are haunted by spirits of vengeance.

They were wrong

It was haunted by the memories of how things came to be, and the grieving what-ifs and the vengeful blames. It was haunted by the image of the soulless eyes and twisted bodies the moment they were lowered into the ground, trapped. It was not haunted by those Death took, it was haunted by those Death left behind.

Those wretched souls who would make this place their haunt, gazing longingly at the tombstones of people long past. It was something Bruce Wayne and Richard Grayson were familiar with, looking at the marble statues with a type of desire, wishing with half a heart that they themselves fell with the people they loved. Robin was one thing that anchored him to this world, but now she was about to slip through his grasps.

What if Batman was too late?

What if his soul leaves another imprint on the ground where Death took another from his grasps?

Those Death left behind...

Then he saw his son. Robin, sprawled on the ground, wounds dusty and expression apathetic. For a fleeting moment, Bruce Wayne despaired at the sight. Then that uneven, raspy breathing was heard from the lips of the little bird who just wouldn't die, and for a second, Batman smiled.

Yes, this was his son because she was the only one who could make him smile.

* * *

When Richard Grayson first thought of Bruce Wayne as a father, it was fear gas.

It started innocently enough, with a loving family waving at the uproarious crowd. After all, it was a death-defying act, without the safety of the net!

They would not defy death that night.

First the Mother swung, then the Father. The Aunt and Uncle soon followed, brilliant smiles on carefree faces. They were flying. Then, with a short turn of his head and the assuring comment, "You're turn will come soon," the Cousin swung into the act, as the graceful and lithe bodies made unimaginable leaps into the air.

Then it snapped.

The snap was not a loud snap, it was a quiet one, as if trying to sneak away the gravity of it all. But the seriousness would not leave, because this was irreversible.

As she saw the shadows of her parents plummet into the ground with that heart wrenching, sickening crack, she cried again and again for that beloved darkness that enthralled Gotham. The darkness was as comforting as it was familiar, it was the assurance that no one could hurt her, it was a shield from the world. It was in that darkness that she couldn't see those shadows cast by the circus lights, shifting in a twisted fantasy of tragedy, death, and blood.

_Oh the blood_.

Slowly it soaked her vision, a stain that started from the crumpled forms beneath the platform. The blood drenched everything in its path, a lifeless drip that stained her worldview with its contagious colour of death. It was that deep scarlet that began to chase her, so fast, like the lies and the deception that flourished around her life.

But mostly it was the blood.

_Oh the blood..._

Then it stopped. The blood was covered by that comforting darkness that she longed for in her deepest, bloodiest nightmares. It was her new tati Batman, swooping in from heights unknown, ready to take his protege, his _son_ somewhere safe away from the stain. Because he cared.

And soon the fear fled on its heels.

* * *

_Oh the blood._

When Richard John Grayson first entered Wayne Manor, the nightmares sent blood-curdling screams every night, that echoed across the Manor. At her request, her room was soundproofed, though the Batman always checked... But now, sitting in her bed as she disabled the surveillance cameras, Robin felt her heart plummet. She felt the new wounds, caused by the same thing as her new nightmares. Who knew the first time the Team would arrive at the Watchtower would be to battle their own mentors? Who knew that New Year's Eve would be spent fighting the very people she loved?

Robin understood, and forgave Batman for the bruised ribs, the cut lip, the concussion, the laceration on her calf, the cracked kneecap, the livid, fingerprint shaped bruises on her neck, and that long, deep cut from her ear to her chin made from a Batarang to her neck. All hidden so well under layers of concealer and layers of acting.

She could forgive him for every single bruise that she hid under layer after layer concealer. No matter how much she forgave him, Batman would not forgive himself.

As her fingers, in a spider-like motion, felt the deep scars and the dark bruises, she realized that though she could forgive, there was nothing in the world that could make her forget. But at least she could try to put the past behind her, and bury it under six feet of dirt. dead.

This was one of the times when the dead rose.

Letting go was the only way. She had to pretend, this was just another bad dream. This was something that never happened, a memory and hallucination result of a combination of Hugo Strange's experiments and a long night battling an annoying Riddler.

That was why, after the battle while all the mentors were asleep, even when she was about to collapse from blood loss, she had to tamper the security tapes and erase 90% of the battle. That was why, after she hacked the security tapes, she had to escape her friends who were desperate to get her medical attention, and Zeta to the Batcave. That was why, after she used the Zeta Tubes to the Batcave, she had to plead with Alfred to let it go just this once.

Alfred knew the necessity.

Burdens are for shoulders strong enough to carry them, and now Robin deemed her shoulders strong.

But Bruce Wayne's shoulders were sagging, though he never let people see it. His shoulders were heavy under the guilt that gathered, one upon another, and eventually it would crush him, if only he just let it go...

Yet that was what made him Batman, wasn't it? He wouldn't stop, he would continue carrying the burden. Robin understood, and she understood that all his actions that New Year's Eve wasn't Batman's.

So why would she wake up in cold sweat and fear every night?

Just because Richard forgave him, did not mean the pain and the fear would be forgotten.

_And oh the blood._

Waking up in cold sweat, and feeling her heart race, Robin took a deep breath and turned on her bedside lamp noiselessly. Looking to the clock and seeing that the time was two in the morning, she tensed visibly, her fingers clawing at her bed sheets. The darkness never felt less inviting. Whatever her mind said, she could not deny the fact that the darkness in which her vibrant life had been thriving in for the last five years turned on her, and the trust that the darkness would always shield her was broken.

So now all she could do was wait for morning to come, and stifle gasps of pain that threatened to shatter her. She had to hide every single little groan and moan, because Bruce would not be allowed to hear, because it matters that Bruce can just go on.

After all, wasn't this just another little white lie? A little white lie that never hurt anyone?

_But, oh the **blood!**  
_

* * *

When Barbara Gordon arrived at school the next day, she sped up to her friend Dick Grayson. "Dick, how was break?" She noticed his careful steps, as if he was avoiding something, and each step was so fragile she was afraid it would break.

"Fine Barbara," he replied, voice clear but legs slightly shaky, as she skeptically raised her eyebrows, "How was yours?" It was like a facade was falling the moment he left the car.

Barbara was shaking with enthusiasm to start the new term. Her father, the commissioner, had been keeping her cooped up for the entire two weeks, afraid that she would get hurt in the chaos of the spiking crime rates that time of year. It was suffocating her, and she needed to breathe in the sunlight and the snow. Lying through her teeth for the sake of her obviously troubled friend, she said, "It was fun. But Dick, what's wrong?"

"Nothing Babs!" he exclaimed, putting his hands up in a defensive posture. Just then, Artemis Crock walked by, giving them a warm greeting, but her face was haggard, and she was leaning, slumped, on the pillars.

Taking this as an excuse to divert attention from himself, Dick waved his hands at Artemis, yelling mockingly, "Crock! How was break? You look exhausted, did you fight brainwashed aliens in a space station or something?"

Artemis' eyes flashed for a moment, before she dragged her feet over to them. Barbara noticed how she was giving Dick another one of her famous glares, and how the short little freshman was lapping it all up like milk.

"Horrible. No space though. Though, you little twerp, if you dare bring it up again, I will..." threatened Artemis, but by then they were already used to her moody demeanor.

"What will you do? Throw me into a wall?" asked Dick, the growing smirk on his face not hiding that minuscule wince that he could not hold back.

"Yeah, sounds good. Gotta get to class," sighed Artemis, who was clearly tired enough and vexed by Dick's behavior. _She isn't the only one, _Barbara screamed in her mind.

"Already happened this week," muttered Dick so lowly that Barbara almost didn't catch it. But she did, and it raised many questions in her mind.

The day Barbara Gordon first met Dick Grayson, to put it bluntly, they were being kidnapped. Before Batman rode in to save them, the thugs had bruised and battered him beyond measure, with his constant diversions to occupy them with. Soon, Batman swooped in, fury evident in his cowl-covered expression, sending a glare that burned a deep scar into her mind, and he swiftly carried Dick to an ambulance. When they rolled up his sleeves to inspect the wounds there, it was covered with weathered scars, and as she was about to ask, Dick silenced her with a commanding, and ever so slightly pleading look...

He was a strong kid after all, and he could handle it. She would pretend she never heard.

That was what it always was, wasn't it? A little white lie.

* * *

Something innocent, that's how it always started, didn't it? The fall started with an innocent little performance that ended with a sickening crack. The discovery of Batman began with an innocent exploration of the Manor that ended with a revelation. So it would make sense that the beginning of the search for Richard John Grayson's secret would start with something simple and innocent. It wasn't Robin's secret, though, Robin's secret was her, no _his,_ identity, while Richard feared they would discover her. But she had nothing to fear in the beginning, because no one was looking.

Then why did something so innocent as a team bonding exercise drove them to this? Didn't they trust her?

It was something simple and innocent. It was a trip to the beach.

Getting into her civvies and putting on her sunglasses, Robin grabbed her utility belt and snuck it into a compartment in her shoes. Smirking at the memory of when Kid Flash tried to steal her utility belt but couldn't even find it, Robin ran out of the cave and to Happy Harbor Beach, where her teammates were waiting in their bathing suits.

"Hey Rob!" yelled Kid Flash, "Why are you still wearing your civvies?"

"It's classified," she smirked at Kid Flash's indignant expression.

"Well, you know what else is classified?"

"What?"

"Who we met at the beach the last time we went there!"

"Yep," said Artemis, "That was why the idiot over here wanted to go. He met a girl there and he wanted to see if another one would be on the beach."

"How could you? You revealed who we met!" whined Kid Flash.

"Oh yes! It was a girl called Pan, whom Kid Mouth insistently flirted with to no end." Artemis rolled her eyes and shoved Wally into the ground.

Wally protested furiously, "I was just distracting myself! And she's hot!"

"So, when do I get to meet this Pan?" inquired Robin, adding a lilt of curiosity into her voice. It was the typical response if Pan was just another person, so now she had to fake it. She cartwheeled after M'gann, Connor, and Kaldur, and flopped on the pearly white sands.

"Kid Flirt here's efforts were in vain, she left without leaving her number," snickered Artemis theatrically, unfolding a chair beside M'gann and taking out a floppy sunhat.

"As expected," Robin replied, beginning to build a sandcastle with the help of Kaldur.

"So," perked up Wally, with the tone of someone trying as hard as possible to change the subject, "Does anyone want to have a waterfight?"

"No." Robin was not going to get her civvies wet. Then they'll ask her why she doesn't just wear a swimsuit. Then everything would go downhill. Instead, she reserved herself to flipping over some files on her holo-computer. They were of this under the radar organization known as the Court of Owls who were becoming far more active in the last few months. Rumors were that the Talon, the Court's supposedly servile trained assassin, usurped the Grandmaster of the Court in an ambitious and rebellious act, and made drastic changes to the Court.

The Court of Owls was a mysterious threat, that spectre in the closet that you knew was there, and feared with all your heart, so much that you never dared venture where they rumored to be. Like the knowledge of death, it was feared without true knowledge of it. All Gotham knew about the Court was from a simple and threatening nursery rhyme that told so much, yet said so less...

Nevertheless, there was one thing for sure, everyone in Gotham heard of it.

_Beware The Court of Owls, that watches all the time,_

_Ruling Gotham from a shadow perch, behind granite and lime. _

_They watch you at your hearth, they watch you in your bed, _

_Speak not a whispered word of them or they'll send The Talon for your head_

The rhyme sent a shudder down her spine, yet it touched her mind with an ounce of familiarity, like a cannibalistic demon who already bit once...and was waiting for the next chance to slit a throat.

"How about Truth or Dare, if none of us wish to swim," asked M'gann excitedly. A few days ago, she read about the game Truth or Dare, and had been itching to try it, constantly asking if they could play.

Agreeing, thinking it was the only time they would be able to get it over with. Hoping that they don't ask any questions about her identity, Robin gave in. They didn't suspect...so they would never think...it wouldn't be a possibility for them to ask.

"Nothing about my ID though."

A mumble of assent rose through the Team, as they began with the first questions.

"Can I start?" asked M'gann, "I chose dare!"

"I dare you...to morph into a female version of all the boys on the team, and then make Wally chose who's the hottest." said Artemis, her voice in a low, conspiratorial tone.

"Sure!" M'gann yelped, morphing into Kid Flash, Robin, Kaldur, and Connor in quick succession.

"Thank god no one else is on the beach," Robin muttered.

Wally looked deep in thought, before yelling out, "I'm the hottest!"

"Baywatch, did you know how narcissistic that sounded?" Artemis said, her eyebrows raised.

"Don't waste your words on him, he'll never learn...what narcissistic means," Robin laughed at the furious expression on her friend's face.

"You're just jealous that girl me looks hotter than girl you. Though girl you looks kinda like Pan," Wally said.

"Astrous, so who's next?" Robin hoped her hasty comment was enough.

"I'll go," said Artemis, "Dare."

"Kiss Wally," M'gann squealed.

"Give him a nosebleed," Robin cackled, noticing Kaldur trying to resist the urge to facepalm.

Artemis nodded curtly at Robin's words, and before Wally, with all his superspeed, could even react in anger at Robin's statement, she gave him a swift jab, right in the nose.

"Rob!" Wally yelled, holding on tightly to his nose as Robin reached into her belt for some tissues, "You're supposed to be on my side!"

"Mmhmm, but you're used to having nosebleeds KF," Robin remarked as she thrust forth a wad of tissues, "Every single time you try to vibrate through a wall...it always ends with a nosebleed. But you have accelerated healing, so you'll be astrous in a minute, if you stopped complaining."

"You and Roy always use that excuse to punch me," Wally grumbled, jabbing the tissues into his nose and leaning back on M'gann's pink parasol.

"That's because it's true."

"Well, Rob, you're next," Wally punched his friend on the arm.

"Mmhmm," Robin murmured, her attention back at her wrist computer, trying to understand the goals of the Court of Owls, "I chose truth." She sat up, crossed her legs, and straightened, giving the illusion of attention, but all could see that the eyes behind the sunglasses were fixed on the flickering screen.

"What's your biggest secret other than your ID?" Artemis perked up. A few days ago, they had begun a mission to find out as much as possible about Robin as they could, and before this, they were sporadically failing.

"I am not sure-" intervened Kaldur, before he was silenced by the look given to him by Wally, a pleading, miserable look...

"Answer the question, Robin." Kaldur sighed as he changed his tone of voice.

Robin gazed at the eager stares of her teammates, and managed to refrain from grimacing. How would she be able to put this without actually revealing the secret? And there were so many secrets...

What about Robin's secret injuries in the fight with Batman?

Even the Batman would never know the severity of the hits and how they still ached now, two weeks after the fight. Her closest friends had only that fleeting glimpse of the fact, and she hoped to keep it that way for as long as possible.

What about the scars left behind by Two Face, Joker, and all the madmen of Gotham?

If they saw the skin without concealer, they would never be able to look at her the same way. Out of all the heroes, the Dynamic Duo's skin held the most scars, because the devilish vultures they fought did not want material gain, they wanted to see the world burn to hell. Starting with a little bird... Why wouldn't the little bird sing? Maybe one more cut would do.

What about the secrets that she knew, the fact that she knew about so many things that she should not?

Each team member had their own secret, whether it is a family of crime or an evil father, whether it is an abusive parent or a feigned form, whether it is something that was becoming an addiction, or a liaison with a certain Cheshire Cat, Robin knew. She shouldn't, she should not have read those files handed to her, she should not have made the deductions, but she did and she would never forget, but she could always hide her knowledge under a smile and a trusting glance.

What about the time Dick Grayson almost, just almost, let Zucco drop to the ground?

Dick would have let him hit the ground, and have the blood leak out of him like it did his parents, but at the last moment, Dick Grayson was replaced by Robin, who swooped in and saved. Whenever adopting the Richard Grayson, the one unburdened with the task of saving the people around him, she would feel the guilt, still burning, of almost leaving that miserable, pathetic man to a lethal fate.

What about the suicidal tendencies that Dick Grayson showed in Juvenile Detention?

There was a point when the pressure was too much to take, when she could feel her bones collapsing under the unrelenting weight of the tragedy that clung so clumsily yet so firmly. It took all her willpower not to rush forward when the butter knife was at her neck, and end it all with a clean slice, so that she would never have to hear that sickening crack in her sleep. It would be so easy...the pain of leaving this life could not compare with the pain of being left behind.

What about the fact that she had been taught the methods to take down every member of the League lest they turn?

She would never be able to look Superboy in the eye, if she told him that she kept a lead tube of kevlar in her utility belt. She would never be able to tell M'gann that she knew how to mentally cripple a martian with her memories and emotions. She would never be able to tell Kaldur about the dehydration pills in her boot that would leave Atlanteans helpless in the surface. She couldn't face Artemis after letting her know that Robin calculated the archer's ever weakness, and knew exactly which joint to jab to take her out. And she would never be able to speak with her best friend again, if she told him that she knew the pressure point that could put him into a twelve-hour coma.

And what about that little white lie that she hid so well under layers of kevlar?

Just another little white lie...

"I, uh well, I still have a stuffed animal..." she muttered awkwardly, putting a hand through her hair to add to the image, "She's called Zitka, she's an elephant." That was half true. It was actually a ruby necklace shaped in an elephant that her father gave to her mother as an engagement gift. But this way it would seem less secretive, and satisfy the curiosities of her teammates.

Between extravagant laughs, Wally managed to rasp out emphatically, "I have to tell this to Roy!"

Artemis shrugged and smirked, "Well Boy Wonder, it looks like you'll never get my respect again."

Superboy scowled at everyone, especially a still laughing Wally, and wondered aloud, "What's the big deal? A stuffed animal is an item that children utilize to receive comfort, usually through physical contact with it."

Nodding slightly in half-agreement was Kaldur, who seemed to disregard the information completely, a polar opposite of Wally's theatrical and flamboyant reaction.

But M'gann's reaction...disconcerted her, very heavy on the dis. Robin was almost sure that M'gann read her mind then, but M'gann promised not to. She wouldn't betray her trust, would she?

Ignoring the skeptical glance of Artemis, the bewildered looks of M'gann, Superboy's confused glare, Kaldur's eyes sparkling of amusement, and Wally's howling laughter, Robin pulled up another file about the rumors of the Talon.

_Vladimir Lupei, age 43, former member of the Court of Owls, was in police custody, as he testified that the current Grandmaster of the Court of Owls is called William Cobb. However, the testimony was unfounded, and before the GPD had time to confirm the claim, Lupei was found dead in his prison cell. Commissioner Gordon has confirmed that the death was related to Lupei's revealing of the name of the Grandmaster. _

"William Cobb," Robin mouthed over the doubling-over snorts of Kid Flash, "I've heard of this man...he's-"

Her eyes widened dramatically behind the sunglasses, a look of shock came across her face, and the only lucid thought swimming in her mind while she rapidly packed her belongings and sprinted to the Mountain was the constant, "How? How?"

William Cobb, a name only spoken in the lowest voices in the trailer, was a man that the family described simply as cruel and heartless, but still with a sense of pride in his family, he was born in 1901, and disappeared long before that. But he couldn't be the Grandmaster. The Grandmaster was described as a young man, only just in his thirties...This was unnatural.

As she ran to the Zeta Tubes, she could feel her heart pump with the adrenaline and her mind fill with thoughts of the implications. It was a feeling that fed her legs and made her moves speed. The mystery and intrigue were drawing her in. And the blood connection.

William Cobb was her great-grandfather.

But in her rush, she forgot to shield her mind. M'gann's consciousness wandered into the open doors and found out one thing which had an announcement that shocked them all.

Lying there on her stomach, in the middle of the beach, M'gann whispered in shock, "She lied."

"Robin has more secrets. More than we ever imagined."

And to think it started as something so innocent, a simple day out on the beach...

* * *

When William Cobb woke, he woke from that deep slumber that penetrated his marrow the second he became the Talon. He felt that rush in his blood. He was finally in control. Even in his hibernation, he knew that one day, he would defeat the Court that orchestrated his every move. He would become the master, he would be in control. He would no longer be ordered by those around him in the same way his love was torn away from him.

Now, as he brought more into the Gray of Gotham, he pulled down those who ruled, and strived to create an equality. A freedom and liberty not experienced for a long time.

As William Cobb discarded the knife he used to cut Vladimir Lupei's throat, he sighed. Lupei was a loyal member, a rich man, and an asset to the Court of Owls. But Lupei did not take Cobb's replacement of Orchard very kindly. _Poor Lupei, I set so much in store for him_, Cobb thought as he removed a long, crooked knife from his belt.

He was better than those haughty members who decided that they were better than Gotham's Gray. He was better, and he would not just rule Gotham, his power would extend over to Bludhaven, to Central, and take enthrall the entire world.

Soon, he would.

But now his mind was set on something else, something troubling. When he first escaped the life of the Talon, he only thought of ruling, but as the times wore on, he thought more and more of Amelia Crowne, his lover and the mother of his Gray Son, the Gray Son of Gotham that he gave Nathaniel Haly so long ago. She was gone, he knew that, but what of his children and the descendants after them? Where were they if not serving the Court of Owls? They were not even at Haly's Circus. Did Nathaniel's descendants forget what Cobb told him?

"Raise him with Haly in secret, Nathaniel...prepare him for my legacy. My son. The Gray Son of Gotham."

When William Cobb read about the fall at Haly's Circus so many years ago, his heart clenched with the rage and fury he held back for so many years. They were his descendants.

Five days later, Tony Zucco was found dead in his jail cell, throat slit, and a knife thrown expertly into the man's heart.

When William Cobb read about his last surviving descendant, Richard Grayson, he could not help but smile. This was a child, who could be molded into the next Grandmaster, who, through the bonds of blood thicker than water, could be trusted with unwavering loyalty. If not, he could always hire Deathstroke, a man who could break anyone...

The Grandmaster looked through document after document, finding Richard Grayson more and more of a rightful heir. He excelled in academics and had a vast amount of wealth from the Wayne trust fund.

There were, however, complications...Richard Grayson already spent the last five years with Bruce Wayne. It would be an undesirable bond, but complications could always be cut out of the picture. He had power now, he could snap out Bruce Wayne in the way Amelia's father did to him. A single knife stroke to the throat.

Fingering the Grandmaster's silvery blue ring now encircling his fingers, he gave a cackle so reminiscent of the one his descendant gave. It echoed through the Throne Room, off the gray walls, and down the stone corridors, where the torches flickered as though flinching at the soulless, lifeless sound, mocking true laughter.

"Bruce Wayne. The Court of Owls has sentenced you to die," Cobb smiled viciously, giving a predatory glance towards the waving socialite on the screen, "How I love killing Waynes."

A man born with power, oppressing and distancing himself from the gray and the dark of Gotham City, being the White Knight of Gotham.

The same kind of man who sent William Cobb away from his love.

The same kind of man who ruined his life.

This was going to be very fun.

"Bruce Wayne," he whispered as he rang his fingers down the crooked knife,the same one he used to kill Burton Crowne, "It will be very fun indeed."

* * *

**So, the Court of Owls is about to hunt down Bruce Wayne. Richard Grayson might become the next Grandmaster, and the Team is going to try to find out Robin's secrets.**

**Um, so here it is...**

**I once had this dream where Tony Stark was auditioning new for a new Iron Man, and there were a bunch of people in suits reminiscent of War Machine, just less bulky. And they were swimming in a pond for some reason. Is that in Iron Man's resume? Must be able to avoid tadpoles and lily pads. Must be able to resist flinching away from the toads. **

**My dreams never make sense...I didn't even watch Iron Man before!**

**So bye bye. William Cobb will be in such a shock when he finds out Richard Grayson is a girl. **


	3. Chapter 3

**This was much more fluffy in the beginning than I wanted it to be, but I was listening to Spirited Away's One Summer's Day, it just gives a feeling. Dare you to listen to it while reading. Oh yeah, this is FRIENDSHIP! Not the type of, Oh just kiss you me you rascal! love, but the, I'll always have your back, after all we are sisters... type of love. **

* * *

Robin could always carry the burdens on her own, biting back the grimaces and groans at the fatigue and weight. It was something she learned to bear. She knew that the burdens would never get any lighter, only heavier over the years, but she could never let go of them. Letting go meant forgetting, and to forget would make her a shell of what she once was. It was the memories that gave her the humanity.

There were many times in her life when someone poured more memories and more weight into the bags, but she kept on carrying, she kept walking. But this was unexpected.

Robin was grateful that at least she was not subject to M'gann's probing, nonetheless the other members of the Team were relentless. They discovered that she housed secrets in her heart, the trust they shared was beginning to crack, with just the simple addition of pressure allowing it to shatter. Maybe it was a build up of all the years of sand continuously being poured into her bags. Maybe it was the after-effects of the soreness numbed by cold. Maybe she wished to have another living relative other than the leader of a criminal organization and a maternal grandfather who would immediately try to take her away from her home if he knew she was a girl. Maybe she was just tired.

And maybe Haley's Circus was back in town,

When Bruce Wayne's parents died, the burden caused him to collapse with weariness, but grow far more in strength. He grew in strength because he saw a direction in which he would carry on, step by step. He had a target, a _Mission_, and nothing would stop him from reaching it. And when Robin joined his life, Robin slowly, ever so subtly, removed little sacks of troubles, worries, and guilts, and placed it carefully on her bags. _  
_

Though she would never know it, she stopped him from collapsing.

Robin, Richard Grayson, and Pan never had the deep, disturbing obsession that wracked Batman's mind.

Robin took most of the burden, he was the strongest, and he had the sense of duty, the burdens were already cuffed to him. It was the sense of duty that drove him to his limits, that made him sling the weight over his shoulder, smirk, and bounce off. He had a duty to save lives, and a duty to bring the ones around him out of darkness.

Richard Grayson took the other half, knowing that it was his fault, having all the guilt of not being good enough. The guilt suffocated him _every second_, and made him wish to make his parents proud. That was why he studied through the nights, that was why he never quit in those moments at the Juvenile Detention Hall, moments passed, but the scars remained. _  
_

Pan had none. She was a free spirit. She was the one who wished to have happiness, who wished to see the people around her smile.

Together it served to brighten the lives of the people around the three personas that this person presented. They were all true, they were three different parts, but each part was willing to be a hero.

Yet even the best of heroes have a breaking point, and it began when all the guilt in her secrets was increased in the rising mistrust from the Team. They thought of themselves as a family. They never thought that family would never question another member. Family helps carry the burden instead of adding to it.

On the fifth of February, walking home with Barbara Gordon in the softly falling snow, Robin broke.

"Burdens are for shoulders strong enough to carry them." She stopped walking taking in the quickly falling darkness. Barbara quickly caught up to her, shaking her friend lightly on the shoulder.

"What do you mean?"

"Have you read Gone with the Wind?" Barbara shakes her head confusedly, and turns her worried gaze to her friend's wide blue eyes, full of a distant emotion, glazed over like she struggling to focus on something. "Scarlett O'Hara, just arriving back to her home Tara after Atlanta was burned to the ground, has a thought that she reflects on in a desperate moment years later, when her friend and anchor that she never knew she had lay on a bed dying. Burdens are for shoulders strong enough to carry them. That was her thought."

Barbara Gordon furrowed her eyebrows, and looked intently at her friend. This behavior confused her, usually Dick was a happy, albeit rooted with snark definitely planted by Alfred, friend who nevertheless had a deep thinking. But this was unlike him. It would be unlike anyone.

"How much the burdens weigh on your conscience never change. Only the strength of the shoulders carrying them."

Now it was a mesh of all the three personalities talking tentatively with Barbara, though the girl would not know it. It was just too heavy for Robin, Richard, and Pan to bear. Maybe it was time to share, and hope that the other side had shoulders strong enough.

"And what are you saying?" At those words, Dick (it was Richard who chose to do this), had a small, wry smile tug at his lips, and gave Barbara a searching, calculating look in the eyes. The snowfall increased, sparkling in an ethereal grace. The next morning, Richard would wonder whether or not this was just a mad fantasy schemed by a desperate mind.

"Do you want to know a secret? Two, actually." Robin gave that well-trained look, that look that no one with a conscience could say no too, and Barbara could only give in to his antics and sigh, slowly, and Dick had to ruin that with his smug, self-satisfied smirk that he always had.

"Sure, mathlete." Barbara ruffled the younger's hair, causing him to jump in protest, rearranging his hair back to the nerdy way that turned him into a completely different person.

"You used the mathlete card, Gordon, how dare you? So not astrous." The smile plastered to his face showed how amused he really was at the jest.

"So, shorts, what are the secrets? I'm _itching_ with excitement." It was a floating sensation in her mind. Anticipation.

"First of all, and no matter how not whelmed you are, please do not laugh, I'm Robin, you know, Boy Wonder. Wow, that was a horrible set up for what I was about to say next. Boy Blunder, more like."

Against Dick, or now _Robin_'s instructions, she still laughed. Dick Grayson, skinny little mathlete, never raised a fist to save his life, no life outside of school, and most bullied boy in the school is...Robin? It didn't make sense, yet it completely did. The sudden disappearances, the constant injuries, that almost hidden flinching at the beginning of the year...

Seeing Barbara zoning off, Robin dived in front of her and waved her hands frantically in the air, a motion so mocking. "I'm not done, you know! This isn't the biggest revelation you'll have for the night!" Noticing that half-skeptical, half-believing, and all Barbara look on her face, Robin could not help but cackle delightfully (it was Robin who chose to do this, Richard never learned how to cackle, he never faced the Gotham maniacs).

"What could possibly be more astounding than learning that my best friend parades around with Arkham's Finest every night in spandex? Isn't that a bit too dangerous for a prepubescent boy?" The thought struck her like a brick wall. Every night, while she slept or hacked into her dad's files, her best friend, her irreplaceable best friend, was risking his neck outside, and had a chance of not coming back.

The snowflakes began to blanket the heads of the still students, still standing in the middle of the sidewalk, like two rocks in a thinning stream.

"I am not a prepubescent boy!" Why did they always have to point out his size? It was the least of his worries.

"Oh you aren't?" Barbara raised her eyebrows, and crossed her arms, as if daring for Robin to say something that beat the last revelation. She flicked a piece of fluttering snow out of her eyebrows, and glared.

"I'm not a prepubescent boy because I'm a prepubescent girl!" Everything came crashing down at her words. There was never a way to pass on the burdens gently, the minute she let go, the sandbags would almost crush the backs, but Barbara was strong enough.

And that was why Barbara just turned to her friend without a word after that almost appalling revelation, and said, "We have got to become blood sisters."

"You do not know how much you sound like Wally." Robin's always expected that Barbara could do it. Pan is happy that the other girl is smiling. But Richard Grayson is just relieved, so relieved, that Barbara was strong enough.

"Wally?"

"Kid Flash. You would've guessed his name in two days, he is horrible at hiding it."

"Come on, we'll cut our fingers and put them against each other."

"Unfortunately for you, I do not wish to contract any diseases from your bacteria."

"Oh, one time I decide to be playful with you, you get all haughty. We'll just mingle the blood in the snow."

"Sure Babs, and one more thing?"

"What?"

"Promise not to tell?"

"What are you, eight? Wait, eight was when you started being Robin, silly me. Of course I promise never to tell. And tomorrow, I am going to start reading Gone with the Wind, so I can actually understand what you meant."

In a mock solemn procession, Robin took a pocket knife out of her belt, and made a small mark on her forefinger, and then did the same with Barbara. Neither flinched as the droplets of blood fell into the snow, and though it seemed to be a childish whim, it was, in actuality, sharing the burden, lessening the load Robin had to carry, if only but a little.

"It's good to have a friend who knows. No one else my age does, though maybe Raya from the circus figured out me being a girl, but she wouldn't have guessed Robin."

"Okay, now we're blood sisters. Dick, you have a stupid nickname for me, where's your idiotic nickname?"

"Haha, your sense of humor sends spine-chilling bouts of laughter. Red Arrow knows my ID only, and he calls me Dickie-Bird. Oh how I wish he didn't say that...But you can call me Pan." Would it be worth it to tell Barbara?

"Pan? Panny? Panama? Peter Pan. I'll call you Pete then."

It was worth it.

Because that night, Robin slept without a single nightmare.

* * *

It was still bubbling beneath the surface. The probing, the questions, and distrust was just an echo. Soon the distrust started to fester, with every move and every hostile glance that Robin sent, Kid Flash could feel the unquestioned trust between the two who were supposed to be the best of friends grow. Why? The question mocked him day and night, telling him just how inadequate he was.

Why couldn't he know his friend's secrets? They were supposed to be the ones who told each other of everything in life, all the things they kept hidden... It bubbled rapidly, almost boiling over.

"Damn it Robin, why can't you just tell us?"

M'gann had tried to interfere, but she already knew, at least superficially, what Robin was trying to hide, didn't she. She was just another person Kid Flash did not trust. "Stop, Robin has reasons for not telling us!"

"You already know!" Wally snarled cruelly, a bitter taste filling his mouth, the taste of jealousy. Was Miss Martian better than him? He knew Robin for three years, comforted him in the hard times though Robin never told him why the first of April was such a difficult time beyond saying that was the first time he saw someone die.

"Wally, please, leave this alone," Robin voiced coldly, voice leaking out desperation.

"Why should I? I'm your best friend! Best friends don't keep secrets from each other!"

"Ignorance is bliss."

"Stop being so damn cryptic!"

"Starting to sound like Roy," Robin said in a singsong voice, flipping over onto the couch and starting his book report for Macbeth, with a determined look that can be seen even through the sunglasses. _  
_

"At least he knows what you look like behind the sunglasses!"

Not turning from the screen, Robin sighed. "That's because Roy Harper already knew me. And by the way he doesn't know all my secrets."

"Then why can't you tell me?" Wally seemed ready to pull out his hairs, vibrating angrily and burning a hole in the blue carpet.

"To be a friend you do not have to know."

"WHY NOT?"

"It's better that way. And the reason I thought you could be my friend was because I thought you wouldn't care!"

"I guess you don't care about your friends either! Because it'll always be you and your little secrets that you never tell anyone. Have fun in your little world, because I don't plan on being friends with someone who I don't know a single thing about. You're beginning to become him, you know, not telling anyone! I thought you didn't want to be like Batman!" Wally could see how each word cut like a dagger, the barely suppressed flinches, but he didn't stop, couldn't stop.

Slowly, in a sluggish crawl that felt so much like a horror movie, Robin turned his head, brows furrowed. A burning look of hatred was etched on his face. Worse than anything he could scream, shout, or even fling at Wally, he stated very clearly, "Remember the words you said. You can't take them back."

Soon, the sound of the computer announcing _Robin-B01_ echoed soullessly through the cave. Wally said it. It was all building up from anger at the secrets, frustration he never showed, annoyance at Green Arrow for replacing Red Arrow, and all the things that changed in the last year.

But he let go of any restraint and said it.

* * *

"I want you to go to Haley's with me." Her own words caught herself off guard, as she shook Barbara's shoulder gently, sitting in the picnic tables on the grasses outside Gotham Academy. Barbara turned towards RIchard Grayson (no _Robin_, this was _Robin's _anger and disbelief at Wally's words that caused this) with shocked eyes, eyebrows raised to the hairline. Artemis Crock and Bette Kane, who were sitting at the same table, noticed and turned, eyes alarmed.

"Pete, are you sure you're up for it?" Robin smirked slightly at Barbara's use of her new nickname, 'Pete'.

"As long as you don't call me Pete in front of my friends. Especially Pop Haley. Maybe I'll call you Anne, same red hair, same insufferable behavior. Same friendship shtick."

Artemis furrowed her eyebrows and asked, "Who's Pop Haley?" Robin could see that the girl already knew, seeing as she was on the mission in the Circus, but Robin made the mistake of referring to Haley as Pop Haley during the mission...

"He's the ringmaster of the circus," Barbara said, waving her fork in the air as she used her left forefinger to dip into the gravy and stuck her finger in her mouth. Robin proceeded to make a look of mock horror, muttering something along the lines of, "What would Alfred say?"

"Anyways, Haley," Dick sent a very pointed look towards Barbara, "knows everything about me. Everything. Even my fixation for birds. No one in the Circus does, though I think Raya might have figured it out."

"Wait, I thought Bette's the one with the Robin obsession?" Artemis smirked.

"It is not an obsession, it is a _hobby_."

"You rich kids, what do you do with your time?" Artemis shaked her head in a jocular manner, and Dick sniggered.

She uses her time to finish her homework, practice acrobatics, train with Batman, patrol every night, go on missions, and go to sleep for about two hours. Her schedule was fraught with strain, yet somehow she managed to make it work.

"They obsess over heroes, like Bette here. Spend all their allowance, like all the rich snobs here. Or overachieve, like Pete here," Barbara snickered, though that hint of concern never left her eyes.

That last time the circus came, Robin broke. She never left her room the time, and watched the performances from her holographic glove computer, almost masochistically tracing every movement...

This was different.

She tried to convince herself that this was about the suspicious interactions between Haley's Circus and the Court of Owls, but she couldn't let herself tell that little white lie. She missed the Circus, she missed these people who would trust her with their lives, even if it never came to that. She missed flying through the air. And she wanted someone to tell her everything was going to be alright.

Barbara was like a sister, but Robin already poured so many loads of weight onto her shoulders. Alfred distanced himself, no matter how much he knew he had to take action, he always never crossed the line that would make him a parent, because he was an observer, interfering when he knows it is right but...it just wasn't enough.

Bruce Wayne was a man with too many obligations, responsibilities, and guilts. She couldn't turn to him. She wouldn't. Even if he did understand, he shouldn't have to bear the guilt of all the weights piling on her, crushing her underneath.

She missed having someone say that the troubles were over. She missed someone telling her that she was trusted and loved. She missed someone whispering softly that the world was at peace. She missed the kind of people who were supposed to be her _parents_. Bruce was like a father to her, she loved him and the feeling of safety that washes over her. But there was one thing he would never do.

Those little white lies that every parent was supposed to tell...he never told a single one.

"I'm not the one with the Robin fixation, that's Ms. Kane. I have a fixation for _actual_ birds."

"So, Dick, you still going to the circus?" Barbara nudged him lightly, everyone on the table quieted down and paused in their actions, knowing the sensitivity in the current topic of conversation.

"I'm going, are you guys going with me? I'd like a friend." The desperation in her voice leaked out slightly, and danced mockingly in their ears. _No matter how hard I try, I still can't hide it. Batman would be so disappointed._

"Well, what's happening here? Is circus freak and his girlfriend the charity case visiting the circus?"

When Bruce Wayne's ward first came to Gotham Academy, the security was increased to the greatest measures to make sure no harm ever came to the child where all their funds came from. Yet for an inexplicable reason, other children were never considered a danger, but Richard Grayson knew different from the abysmal experiences from that time in Juvenile Detention.

"Yeah, though personally I prefer the name Pete, and this little Anne over hear is also known as Babsy-Pants or the hated Barbie, call her that and you will leave with broken bones," Robin smiled, a smirk never leaving her lips.

"Well little trailer trash, I'm not below hitting girls, but you seem like perfect prey." If only he knew.

"Oh please relent your unholy rage. Hell hath no fury like a moron scorned."

They began to corner her, but Artemis, Barbara, and Bette stood in front of him.

"Love your support ladies," Robin laughed sarcastically.

"Shut your inbred mouth, you little piece of-"

"Organic matter."

"Why you little piece of-"

"Excrement?"

Sometimes she just wished for more moments, more moments like these where she could pretend that these people were the worst of her problems. It was nice. After all, if no one else decided to whisper little white lies into her ears. She could do it herself.

Yet she still wished...just someone...who could tell her a little white lie.

* * *

Jack Haley knew Richard John Grayson from the moment she was born, longer than any other living person in the entire world.

When he first saw Richard Grayson, he was a middle-aged man who had an unfulfilled love for a child of his own. He would watch that blue-eyed little girl and realized that no member of the Circus would be willing to let a child so full of life slip through their fingers.

When he first saw Robin, the little girl, she was prancing cheerfully amid the cheering crowds of the circus grounds. She jumped on him, grabbing his neck and embracing him tightly as she could, saying, "You're the best, Pop Haley!" with her voice gleeful as he handed him a great stuffed elephant she soon named Zitka.

When he first saw Robin, the Boy Wonder, Ringo came and showed everyone a viral video of the Boy Wonder fighting in the streets of Gotham City. Though none of the other members of the Circus didn't see it, he did. It was Richard Grayson, and he saw her bright smile once again.

When he first saw Pan, he never expected to. Dazed on the edge of unconsciousness, he was sure of two things, he was dying. And this was Robin, no Pan (Richard Grayson wrote letters, with lemon juice on the sides that told vaguely of secrets, fears, and lies), walking to him.

A girl like a granddaughter to him...always family no matter how long it had been...

"Pop Haley? Pop?" Her urgent voice echoed in his ears.

"What happened?" A redheaded girl ran in. They were probably visiting the Circus. Why would they be visiting the Circus, the treasure trove of tragedy? And why did William Cobb leave him in the empty big top? So that he could be found?

"Oh God, Dick, I mean Pan, we have to call an ambulance! There's so much blood! I'm at Haley's Circus..."

"There is no use..." The voice he treasured so much like the voices of Raya, Ringo, and all the other members of the circus (Did the circus have a love for the names that started with R? Robin, Raya, Ringo?), the voice was emotionless now, controlled, cold, dark.

"He's lost too many pints of blood. Whoever did this was merciful to let him still be able to think. I've checked the ambulance systems, they are all at least two hours away." Robin's breath hitches. She begins hyperventilating. And Haley just wants to lull her to sleep again.

He can't think straight, he thinks of all the things he could have done, all the mistakes he made in his life, and wonders why he didn't just cut off the connection to the Court of Owls. He wonders why he didn't just stop supplying the Talons with assassins and abandon Gotham City. He was so selfish...could she forgive him for putting her and the entire circus in danger?

"Little Robin..." he manages to rasp. She runs to his side. He knows what he's thinking, the blood makes her think of that night. He should have paid Zucco, he should have called the police to take the man away. What was he thinking? And why were all his regrets coming back to haunt him? He needed to tell Robin...

"Pop?" The tears are welling up in her eyes. He doesn't want to think how much death he must have seen on the job.

"Sorry, sorry I told your secrets, what you do at night..." Jack chokes on his own blood, and Robin lifts up his bleeding, battered body, and cradles his head.

"Why?" Her tear-filled eyes are glistening, but Jack just wants his granddaughter in everything but blood to smile.

"Weakness." He tries to smile through the haze of pain, and the pain was numbing. He doesn't know how the bloodstained teeth scares her.

"No, why would anyone do this?" Her voice cracks slightly, hugging him tighter into her torso.

"Do you know the history-the history of the...the...Haley's Circus?"

"No Pop, why do you ask?"

"Many years ago...an Owl...Court of Owls...saved a Haley's life..." Haley laughed, the blood spurting out of his mouth.

"Go on, Pop, just keep on talking." The redheaded girl was walking up to listen too.

"We had to supply...supply them with...Talons ever since...it was a debt...of...of...gratitude." Tears were streaming freely down her face now. She should stop crying. "Stop crying...little robin...Cobb was a...Talon...he became...Grandmaster..."

"Wanted an heir.." he continued, voice lowering to a mumble so that Robin could just barely hear the words. "Wants you...asked about you...demanded...sorry...told him about it...too weak...will you forgive?" The last words were coated with a paste of despair, he wished that the last words he would hear would have a little bit of love, so that at least he left some imprint, some imprint not filled with corruption and the stench of death.

"Don't say sorry. You shouldn't be sorry, family always forgives." She's completely crying now. He knows there is no hope. She knows there is no hope. Yet her voice still pleaded. She shouldn't be mourning...

"Don't mourn...don't cry...smile...I'll say hello...John and Mary..."

"Say hello to mami and tati for me Pop. One more thing? Will you tell me a lie?" Her tone cracked slightly, but she managed a pained smile, Jack wondered what he was thinking, was it the happy memories?

"Why...?" His voice was fading fast, it was but a whisper.

"Tell me everything will be alright."

"Little robin...everything will be alright." His heart stopped beating. The last thing he saw, the last thing he saw was her smile. She smiled.

_Hello John, hello Mary, your little robin says hello. _

He was gone soon enough so that he never saw Robin break.

* * *

Alfred could see it the moment he pulled over at the circus grounds. The crowds gathered by the big top, by the big top, not inside it, made his heart clench. The way Miss Gordon spoke, she spoke a voice so full of pain. It wasn't the pain of a bullet ripping through flesh, it was the pain of seeing life slip away. And that was when he wondered who it could be, with fear so cold and gut-twisting.

He walked slowly, carefully as if not to disturb anyone or anything, to the big top, wear he saw a blood-covered Pan crying desperately in Barbara's careful arms. They were like sisters, Alfred thanked god that in times like these his charges would always have someone.

He only had to walk closer to see Pan fling herself into his arms. "Pop Haley," she gasped in a voice laced with pain.

Oh.

It was, for once another time, that Alfred wondered if his charges lost far too many things in a short life.

* * *

When M'gann first discovered Robin's secret, she couldn't help but gasp. The truth of her situation came crashing down around her. They were almost one and the same, hiding who they truly were to the outside world, when what they were hiding was superficial, unimportant, only the surface of a plethora of emotions.

But they both still hid under the disguises, hoping that the day would not come when the world knew.

M'gann could tell. M'gann had the chance to tell the world that Robin was hiding, that Robin was someone else that no one even expected.

At first, she was shocked at the revelation. Astounded, astonished, no matter what the word it still held that same meaning. How could you even expect something so unthinkable? So many beliefs in life she never even hoped to question...now she could not resist wondering if every fact presented to her was just another lie orchestrated to make all seem at peace. That moment she spent in Robin's mind, she saw a flurry of secrets so many that a mundane mind would not be able to handle the maelstrom of deception.

A mind so much like her own...

So when M'gann had the chance, when they prattled her once and again to just tell them what Robin's secret was, M'gann held her silence.

Why should she tell the secret of another when that other was so securely keeping the secrets of her own? Robin knew about M'gann being a white martian, but she never spoke a word. M'gann knew about Robin being a girl, but she would never speak a word.

Nevertheless, the moment she saw Pan enter, the Zeta Tubes announcing _Batman-02, Guest-Panama Grey_, she couldn't help but wonder if the secret would be out.

As Batman debriefed them on the mission, all the Team's eyes were flickering back towards the girl they met on the beach but a while ago, after the training simulation. M'gann's eyes were for another purpose.

How could she not have seen this? Now that she looked at the details, she could see that the truth was staring at her all this time, unblinking. Was it in a sentient creature's nature to blot out the clues that point to something else, and twist all that they knew towards their own fiction?

"This is Panama Grey. She will be joining you on a mission next week. This is a mission to infiltrate the Court of Owls, which is currently targeting her for capture. The mission will take place in the Court of Owls' most vulnerable time, when the Grandmaster rejuvenates his youth. For now, you must ensure that she is not captured. That will be all."

"Woah, so Pan, why's the Court of Owls after you?" Wally asked.

"How do you know I'm called Pan? Wait, you're those people I met on the beach! Wow, so you mean Kid Flash is Wally West, Miss Martian is Megan Morse, Superboy is Connor Kent, Artemis is Artemis Crock, and Aqualad is Kaldur?" she asked. M'gann almost released a giggle at the thought of Robin shamelessly messing with Kid Flash, the tension between the two almost disappeared, just almost.

"Darn it Kid Mouth, you revealed all our identities!" Artemis slapped Kid Flash in the face.

"Well, beautiful, just hang around, Mount Justice is as secure as can be!" M'gann fully laughed at this. How would Kid Flash feel knowing the punchline of this story?

Pulling M'gann aside, Pan said, "You know."

"Everything." When M'gann learned of all that Robin's mind held, it broke her heart. The memories were so vivid, so unimaginable, a twisted nightmare of blood, gore, death, despair, and anger. The thoughts had echoed in her mind so clearly it was as if she returned to Mars where the thoughts were a network of webs and signals flying fast forward.

_Oh the blood._

"Don't tell." Pan's eyes were not begging, it was a cold command. M'gann feel how broken she was from the feelings of loss, tragedy, and confusion emanating from Robin.

"Never."

"After all, it's just a little white lie."

A single statement never scared M'gann more.

* * *

**Uh, yeah, so, leave a review. **

**Reviews will be laughed over, enjoyed, revisited, and treasured. **

**My parents keep on complaining that I write too much of my time, and say that I should just think on it. DON'T THEY UNDERSTAND THAT AN AUTHOR'S BRAIN NEVER STOPS CHURNING?**

**I love dragon-fruit, try it sometime. **


	4. Chapter 4

**Apologies to anyone who felt the wait was too long. I just didn't know how to finish the whole thing this time. I'll do better in the next update. Pinky promise. **

* * *

She felt broken.

Even sitting in the shadows of the mountain, speaking but not saying, hearing but not listening, Richard Grayson, Robin, and Pan haunted the tombstones, the graves, the coffins, and the memories. Did they know? It was the ultimate question, the clawing suspicion, the clawing doubt that the people who made the graveyards their haunt, the lingering echoes of their despairing voices could even be heard over the din of of the night traffic.

Did they know that she wished with all her heart that she could replace them all in the graves, just so they could live to smile another day?

Did they know that she was trying to make them proud and do what was right, just so no one would ever feel the pain ever again?

Did they know that she was so close to leaving behind the darkness that marred her life after the fall, just so the darkness would slink back again?

Or maybe their minds sick and twisted by the darkness or the light they have been trapped or freed to, the souls of those who left would only smile in disdainful amusement at the pathetic struggles. Entertaining...

47.

That was the number of people she saw die in her lifetime. Richard Grayson saw 12 of them, a great act called the Flying Graysons who fell down, and those times when Robin was pushed to the back of the mind to make way for Richard as someone hit the asphalt dead while Robin was on duty. Robin saw 34 of them, one after another of supposedly faceless victims that she need not have recollected any time in her life, yet her imagination knew no bounds, nor did her natural social instinct. What was supposed to be nameless and faceless became another close and personal jab.

Then there was Pan. Pan, in her entire existence as the relief, the unburdened one, she was shocked with the death of the person who knew her from the day she was born. 1 death that sent cold shivers down the spines of every single one of the three personas. It was almost as if she was tainted by death, to be chased by it all her life, skating by the thin, claw-like hands every night.

Maybe to her it was now normalcy.

It was her normalcy, so when faced with the alluring features of death, the seductive finger beckoning, and when faced with those who were tricked by the desirable images set forth, she didn't cry anymore. She had already run out of tears.

But after the fall itself, the thing that hurt the most was the blurring.

She tried to remember what her mother looked like when she was happy, what her father said when he was proud, what expression John wore when he ruffled her hair, how Aunt Karla would dance, how Uncle Rick would curl up whenever he was tickled in the stomach, and how her godfather Pop Haly's eyes always crinkled with mischief whenever the opportunity arose.

She _tried._

Her mother's face was a blank slate carved without a single human expression. Her father's lips moved soundlessly to a monotonous background hum. Her cousin's face was faded away. Her aunt's graceful, lilting dance was curtained by darkness. Her uncle's motions were frozen, replaced by the image of him laying on the bed paralyzed before he met his end on the bed. Her godfather's eyes were now covered by that mask of despair that drowned it in the last minutes of his life.

All the memories were so _tainted. _

Then she stopped in the motion of a halfhearted reply to another one of Wally's overused flirts. She could remember clearly Kaldur's amused yet calm smile, M'gann's carefree laugh, Conner's faint tug of a grin, Wally's brotherly expressions, Artemis' determined stance, and the pride on Bruce's face.

Those memories weren't faded, they were clear.

So as she answered Wally's flirtatious statement ("With angelic looks like your's, you must come from Heaven."), she did it with a satisfied smirk

"With disgusting appetites like your's, you're definitely going to the Third Circle of Dante's Inferno."

Maybe she wasn't so broken after all.

* * *

It was an hour before the question that hung uneasily in the air was asked. "Where is Robin?" Kaldur asked uncertainly, gazing at his companions in slight worry. "The last we saw of him was a week ago."

Pan wondered...should she give them a word on what was happening in Gotham. No matter how many falling outs may occur, she would at least share memories with them. She turned to M'gann for reassurance, and the girl nodded in response, understanding what Pan was about to do.

"Well, Robin told me that he was staying in a bunker in Bludhaven, since-"

"Wait," Artemis turned, skeptical, "You know Robin?" Pan expected no less from Artemis, a hero who was originally bred to become a killer. The suspicion, the doubt, and the fear was never something you could just turn off. Those harsh experiences became part of a person. Everyone thought Robin's paranoia stemmed from her being mentored by Batman, but the truth was it clung itself to her, growing like a cancer.

It seeded when she first saw Tony Zucco, and the man's stale, tobacco breath dancing in the usually crisp air of the big top. "Go away kid, we're just doing some...ah...maintenance. Go and have fun..."

It grew when the woman with long, mascara dipped lashes, and a temper of a dragon pulled up the car outside a dilapidated concrete building. GJDC- Gotham Juvenile Detention Center. "You deserve to be here, you little stealing circus scum!"

It sprouted when the boy with the wicked and sinister smile lying on the bed beside her stood, and took a sharpened butter knife from his pockets. "Yer new, ain't yeh. Don't yeh worry, it ain't gonna hurt the slightest."

It budded when she was dragged away by a towering man with the stench of alcohol in his breath, taking her to another living hell. "Come on kiddo, you'll _love _your foster home."

It branched off when a woman waltzed into the apartment, spreading the pungent burnt-rubber smell of used cannabis through the room. giddy and drunk. "Get in the closet, brat. Don't argue this time."

It bloomed when the tall, distant butler brought her into the cold Manor, where she was thankful she was safe, but where energy and life wilted. "I am afraid Master Bruce will not make it to dinner tonight, Master Richard."

It bore fruit when that chalky Joker, that half-scowling Two-Face, that cackling Riddler stumbled into her night-life in all their shrieking, maniacal glory. "Why." _Crunch. _"Won't." _Crunch._ "You." _Crunch. _"Scream." _Crunch. _

And it ripened when the dark mentor with the menacing yet somehow caring gaze signaled for her to follow through one after another training exercise. "You must learn to be constantly on your guard. No one else will do it for you."

So it wasn't with irritation or anger that she responded, it was with patience. "Yes I do. I live in Gotham City, we met after he became Robin. I know his civilian ID though." _If only Babs were here, she would be responding to every comment with an offhand, "Story of my life."_

"Wait," Wally wailed theatrically, "You know Rob's ID, Roy knows Rob's ID, but _I _don't?" Pan rolled her eyes as Kaldur shook his head and patted Wally comfortingly on the back.

"Yes. Now let me finish. Robin is currently in a bunker in Bludhaven, Batman is keeping him under surveillance, to make sure he does not show up in Gotham under heavy disguise. Someone is targeting him,and their is currently a bounty on his head, alive. The Court of Owls want him too."

"What?" M'gann seemed genuinely surprised, "There is a bounty on his head?"

"Yes," Pan nodded almost condescendingly, "That's why he can't appear without disguise. He is hiding in a civilian ID." A brief look of realization passed through M'gann's face.

"How come he couldn't come to Mount Justice?" Wally asked.

"The bunker in Bludhaven is the best vantage point in which he will be working on some infiltration details in the Bludhaven branch of the Court of Owls. Robin has at least fifteen bounties on his head, but this one takes the cake. Five million for his capture alive. Oddly enough, they don't want him dead."

"Yeah. You know Gotham villains," said Artemis, least astonished by the knowledge, "They're more murderous than the others. More..."

"Maniacal?" Pan quipped, crossing one leg over the other as she passed the time reading 'Lord of the Flies' (it was really the fact that the book including the word 'whelming' that made her grab it off the shelves whenever she felt bored, it being a winner of a Nobel Prize for Literature was just another perk), "Savage? Unbalanced? Arkham's Finest are hardly known for being able to curb their homicidal urges."

"How can you live in a city like that?" M'gann cocked her head slightly innocently. Pan saw through some of the act, M'gann was far from naive, but she was still inexperienced, some questions were still genuine.

To the girl's surprise, it was not Pan who responded to the question first, it was Artemis. "You've never even seen the people inside it! Just because the city's got dirt on her shoes doesn't mean you can't give her a chance to clean it off! We're not defined by our worst, we are defined by our best!"

"Woah, Arty, we get it. No need to overreact," Wally said as he backed into the soft down cushions and raised his hands in a surrender position.

"Well, she is correct. After all, she knows so much about Gotham from her cousin. And the S-P-E-L-L-I-N-G B-E-E she went there for."

"Wait," Artemis stuttered, recoiling from Pan, "How do you know about that?"

"Well, I'm good friends with Robin's civilian ID. He tells me everything." Pan lazily flicked onto the next page of the novel. Was it suffice to say that her interest stemmed from the similar effects on children that Gotham also has? The island could be a metaphor for a city where all had to fend for themselves.

"You know who he is. But may I ask who are you?" Kaldur turned to look at her with unsettling interest.

"Panama Grey. I moved to Gotham when I was eight, though my great grandfather came from Gotham. Personally, I don't know why the Court of Owls is targeting me. I guess it has something to do with my relatives. Kidnapping for ransom? I have no idea." _Actually I do._ "I'm not exactly supposed to say who I am related to. And Artemis Crock...I go to the same school as you, just so you know."_  
_

Artemis clutched the arrow she was polishing and scowled.

"So, all my friends call me Pan, I met Robin when I was a pathetic damsel in distress, and he relentlessly annoyed me with his illogical words, and he mocked me for my position. Therefore I made it my mission to hit him in the gut every time I see him." _Taking a page out of Babs' book, I guess that is who I am basing this persona of Panama Grey on. _

"Believe me," Wally rose up from his sluggish position on the cushions and smirked impishly, "You are not the only one who wants to do that."

* * *

Sitting there, knife to his neck, Bruce Wayne would never know how he could have ended up there. He thrived in the shadows, in the darkness of the fables and the urban legends that lurked in the corners of Gotham City. But he should have expected, should have prepared. How could Batman have failed to study the fighting techniques and the weaknesses of the Court of Owls? The movements were far to alien to him counter. This was the enemy, but how could he be so distracted by his the rogues?

The time he spent trying to subdue Joker, Riddler, Two-Face, Penguin, and Poison Ivy (all released by the Court to create chaos) was wasted because what he should have really done was focus on the Court! He played right into their hands. And now William Cobb, sadistically flicking his tongue on the blood-splattered dagger, held a knife to Bruce Wayne's (not Batman) neck.

While he was dangling from the edge of Wayne Manor, a 30 foot drop (with his skills he could survive the fall, but the injuries would make him incapable of escape).

It was a very compromising position.

Worst of all was the fact that William Cobb was broadcasting this live to the Justice League systems. The megalomaniac could be planning death (he was ready) or injury (he was ready). But this was out of _control_. He was _Batman__! _And no matter how much he denied it when pestered by Superman, he needed to be in control. Out of control killed his parents, out of control got people around him hurt or dying. Out of control was unacceptable.

And when the cameras began rolling, out of control was about to get much worse.

"Hello Justice League. I am here to deliver a message." Cobb smiled viciously as the knife grazed his neck. Bruce saw red, he wanted to rush forward if not for the very threatening knife skating his Adam's apple. The JLA should never see him vulnerable. The only people who ever saw him so were Leslie, Alfred, Gordon, and...Dick.

It did not take a detective to unravel the reasons behind this sudden intrusion. They wanted Robin. The Court of Owls were trying to draw him (Her? The two words never held clear definition, clear difference when thinking about his protege, no _son. _Maybe daughter...) out. They were either going to threaten Bruce, or they were going to kill him.

Was it wrong that all he could think about was what would happen to Robin (Robin, Dick Grayson, Panama Grey, the Boy Wonder, the Gray Son of Gotham, maybe there was such thing as too many titles...)?

"As you all know," the man drawled carelessly, flicking his knife from one side to the next, "this is Bruce Wayne. Now Bruce Wayne is important to the Justice League. He gives funding to the JLA, among other things. You wouldn't want him dead, would you?"

Batman saw blood red as Cobb smiled lightly for the camera, smooth, white teeth glinting in the moonlight. The blood red washed over everything, especially the scarred face of his attacker. But all he could do was sit and wait. Vulnerable. Threatened. Weak.

He was _Batman_, the Dark Knight of Gotham! He was supposed to be invincible!

"Don't worry about him. Well, for now. I won't say it in that preposterous monologue voice the vulgar villains use. In fact, I'll say it simply: If you give in to my demands, I will not kill him until I feel like it again. Is that clear? Just so you know, no promises. I would probably not kill him a ten, twenty years. That I can promise you. I'm already bored of my prey. Now, I'm sure you are all _itching _to know my quote unquote demands." Cobb flashed a brilliant smile, eyes sparkling with something of mischief. Bruce would have associated it with his apprentice if not for the fact that this mischief was the kind mirrored in the eyes of Joker, Two-Face, and the Riddler.

"All I want is for Robin the Boy Wonder to come to the grounds of Haly's Circus immediately. The longer you wait, the less limbs Mr. Wayne will leave with. He's the Prince of Gotham, does his life mean anything to you?"

"You might have overlooked us. You might have looked at us only as a legend. But now you may know, the Court is in session."

* * *

As soon as the static began to shiver on the television screen, Wally swerved to see what was going on. As the sinister voice in the screen began drawling, Wally furrowed his brows, noticing Pan begin to twitch and clench her fingers. Soon she began to glare furiously at the screen, clawing at the fabric of the cushions.

The frigid look of her eyes sent shivers up his spine.

"You wouldn't want him dead, would you?"

The man in the screen, though blurred, had dark blue eyes similar to Pan's. It wasn't the carefree look they came to expect in spending the day with her, it was that moment when the glare was frigid, icy. Dead. The man was wearing a long, green coat, trimmed with feathers, and armed to the teeth with weapons. There was something about the pallid skin tone, the lank hair, and the demonic yet somehow charismatic smile that spoke of death.

And Pan's reactions were not ordinary.

"All I want is for Robin the Boy Wonder to come to the grounds of Haly's Circus immediately. The longer you wait, the less limbs Mr. Wayne will leave with. He's the Prince of Gotham, does his life mean anything to you?"

Everyone in the room jumped at the words. This was the demand? Would Robin give himself in? He was in Bludhaven, right? Hopefully he wouldn't get the message. Knowing his best friend, Robin would give himself in to death if it meant no one got hurt.

M'gann seemed to look almost imploringly at Pan, who waved her off with a sharp jerk.

All of the team member's attention turned to the two, as a silent conversation began to form between the two. It was almost as if the two were in a link. _Wait, what if they are? I thought we agreed to have no links today. It can cause a lot of problems for someone who isn't used to it. Does that mean that Pan is used to it?_

Pan's side comprised of a steely glare, unfaltering, unyielding. It held no more mischievousness as she bored a hole into M'gann's hesitant eyes. M'gann was almost pleading, gestures ranging from tentative to defensive.

Before they knew it Pan stormed out.

Turning to M'gann, Wally could discern (Robin would say that to cern would be to overlook, and this was heavy on the dis) distinct uneasiness often associated with his teammates. "Megan, what just happened?"

"Oh no! She's going to go there! I can't believe I didn't try to stop her!"

"Where is she going?" Kaldur turned towards M'gann. "Is she going to check on Robin? It seems wise to ensure he makes no rash actions after the message."

M'gann blanched, a discordant expression crossing her hesitant eyes. "She isn't checking on Robin."

"Then what could she be doing?" Artemis snapped angrily.

"She is Robin."

The silence was deafening.

* * *

A panic settled over her. As soon as she changed into her Robin garb, she began to sprint. Within ten minutes, she was at the fairgrounds. The fields were empty, though a few wrappers and streamers twisted in the wind. It was a fading remnant of the Circus that left town only a day ago, mourning the death of their ringmaster.

Out of the shadows, dozens walked out. She noticed them the moment she stepped uneasily on the fairgrounds, with their eerie masks that made them faceless followers of another regime.

There was no drawn out monologue, there was no speech. Only the reflecting holes of the blank masks, staring back at her.

She stood her ground as the Owls swarmed, each of them cocking their heads and jumping forward from their defensive crouch. She could hear voices, William Cobb's drawl telling her that Bruce was safe, and she just stopped.

All her life, every part of it, she fought. She fought the truth of her family's death. She fought criminals every night. She fought gravity, longing to fly.

But this time, somehow, she felt that burning urge fade, turning into a bittersweet memory, and she felt no longer the urge to fight on. _I'll fight another way. I'm not letting this be forever. But for now..._

As the assassin jabbed her sharply in the back of the neck, she was invited into the loving arms of unconsciousness.

* * *

The fight came back to her the moment she awoke from the peaceful rest. She jerked upright, finding herself bound to a stone throne with shackles and chains. She touched her cuffed hands to her face, finding it covered with one of those empty wooden masks...how fun. Was this some sort of initiation?

"Ah, so you are finally awake. Forgive me. As an undead Talon, I fear that I have no patience for other's weakness." Through the holes in her mask, she could see the slightly sneering, empty eyes of William Cobb.

"Hi Great Gramps! Long time no see! How long has it been? A hundred years?" Robin managed to muster her energies. But there was an overwhelming amount of fear. How was Batman defeated by these people? What chance to I have but to kill?

"It's nice to see that my Owls left your sense of humor intact." Surprised at how much the man sounded like Uncle Rick, she felt a pang in her heart. He was a Grayson no matter what. Even though in this case blood wasn't the thickest bond, Dick Grayson could not help but wonder what happened to him to make him so.

"You know the saying, 'You can take a child out of the circus, but you can't take the circus out of the child'?" I fumbled at my chains, searching for a way to escape, "Well I think it works the same way for humorous situation. You can take a child out of one, but you can't take it out of the child." Her eyes strained in the dim lighting of the room. "And could you turn the lights on?"

"Oh, I thought as the protege of the Batman you would be able to see in the dark." Cobb's face turned amused.

"I'm a Robin. Seeing in the dark's Bats' job. I swear he uses echolocation."

"So, Robin, is there a need to explain anything? You see, I was a Talon-"

"Here comes the monologue."

"Don't worry, there'll only be one, hopefully. I was once just the Talon, but one night, I felt I was free from the curse of loyalty the Court of Owls instilled in me. So...I slit the throat of the former Grandmaster, and here I am. I've set my fellow Talons to become esteemed members of the Court...but I can't trust them. You've heard about what happened to Haly, haven't you?"

"Yes." For once she felt the seething rage. It was dimmed and hidden, but suddenly it burst forth like a dam. He. Killed. Haly.

"Seems that you are up to date then." Cobb smirked. "You see, he was going to speak a whispered word of us. So we got his head. And from what I discovered about you from him-" _Does Cobb know about my little white lies? _"-I decided that you will be a fitful heir."_  
_

"You. Killed. Haly."

"That doesn't seem to be the main concern to me. For me it would be that your training begins now."

"For me it would be murder. Newflash, I'm Robin, I don't kill."

"You aren't wearing the mask, you aren't held under its restrictions."

"You call them restrictions. I call them routines."

"Well, did you know that it takes amputees only 21 days to adjust? I'm sure you'll find new routines just fine."

"So you mean adjusting to killing is adjusting to a lost limb? Seems like adjusting to weakness to me."

"Richard John Grayson. It's an interesting name by the way, really rolls off the tongue. Anyways, did you know that I could have, during any given moment, just taken you from your home and brought you to the Court of Owls? But I decided to have you come by your own choice, not by some faceless enemy forcing you. Do you know why?"

Pan swallowed thickly, glaring through the slim eye-holes of the mask, saying, "Because you've got this weird idea that I want to be your heir."

"Of course not. It's because you are family-"

"Haly was family." She couldn't let him see. She couldn't let him see how afraid she really was.

"Allow me to reiterate. It is because you are blood family, with a face of which I have not seen for a long time..." Cobb removed the mask carefully, spidery, veined fingers skating over her features. "You have inherited Amelia's flawless eyes." The last words were a whisper, dancing in her eardrums, unknown to all the world but her. It was another reminder that she couldn't escape her history.

The world around her brightened with the removal of the mask, the barrier.

"I hope the removal of the mask brings more comfort." _No, now he can see my fear. He can see my apprehension. He can see my doubt. _

"You see, the two of us are family. Family is always alike" -_oh god the similarities between him and tati are too much, he looks too much like my father- _"I'm sure you will find this life like a second nature. After all, my goals are not evil. My wish is a world where the Grey are recognized. Is equality too cruel to ask for? What I am saying is that...I am giving you a chance. I am giving you a chance to accept the offer of being a loyal lieutenant...you could say. A strong, willing mind will always be accepted among the ranks of the Court of Owls. And blood is thicker than water. I'm sure you will enjoy killing the unworthy after you get to the other side of the chasm. Otherwise, now that you've come to us, you cannot escape either. And, if you decide to go against us, we'll do something destructive to make you stay."

"Wow, that's specific."

"Well, I'm not the Joker. I just want my family to stay with me. Considering everyone else is _dead_," he spat bitterly, "I'd like my great grandson to stay. I'll find something, anything really, that you care about and hold it against you, but I won't make plans to specific. You see, if you do not become the great leader of the Court of Owls, there is always another path."

"Oh, so you're going to let me go?"

"No, time to lose hope. The other path is there, albeit less desirable. I could send you to Deathstroke the Terminator for training. He is known for being able to break the hardest of backs."

"That's Bane." _I can not break. Will not. I'm much more stubborn than you even think. _

"Of course, silly me. He is known for being able to break the hardest of _spirits_. We wouldn't want him to break your back, that would be a thoughtless waste of talent." The empty eyes gleamed in the torchlight, casting shadows upon his features. Sometimes Cobb reminded her so much of her father, sometimes she could see how different they really were.

Robin smirked. She wouldn't win this battle, but she wasn't going to let go to her free will. _Break my spirit, see how much good that does you._ "Nice to know you have so many plans for me."

"I don't want talent to go to waste," Cobb smiled pleasantly, turning to his 'Owls', "Free the bonds and bring..."

"I would prefer to be called Robin. Less evidence I'm related to you," she growled viciously, almost feral.

"You are my heir. There is no way to escape the fact. But family can only go so far, don't think I will hesitate to punish you when necessary." The last words were a hiss.

A small, small smile wound its way into Robin's expression. A wild, unyielding smile. "Well then...bite me."

"Free the bond," he called out imperiously, "He will begin to see how lovely it would be to cooperate. Bring...Robin to his training" One final, calculating, confident look was given her way. "And don't worry. I'm sure it will bite."

As an 'Owl' crouched and slowly unlocked each and every padlock holding her place on the carved throne (her great grandfather did have a flair for the melodramatic). A 'click' sounded through the walls, a piercing sound, and the Owls snatched her arms and dragged her away, with herself

Down swirling halls, up serpentine staircases, into a dark, empty room, with every drip echoing, every step reverberating, every sound skipping by.

And as they pushed her into the dungeon, sealing the door tightly behind her, Robin could see the eyes glinting in the shadows of the darkness. It was almost an army. They circled her slowly, inching in as she allowed herself to be cornered. Her eyes adjusting to the damp darkness of the room, she could see what was dripping now...her adversaries' jagged daggers, streaked and soaked with blood. Each of them was covered in gore, each of them with the curious, mysterious mask. She had not a single weapon on her. But the meaning was clear.

Defeat them or die.

"Don't disappoint," a disembodied but oh-so familiar voice danced, amused through the cobblestone walls, "I know you can defeat them. Prove yourself."

The enemy pounced.

* * *

**How did you like this chapter? I hope it fulfilled your expectations. I try to make William Cobb a character that is proud, but realizes, at times how stupid some things sound. And that banter...I want to make Cobb slightly likeable, since he is related to GRAYSON! **

**A likeable villain? Hardly have any of those. **

**Okay...so I may or may not worship Joker. **

**Okay okay! I also may or may not worship Catwoman. **

**Um...I regret nothing?**

**Review to your heart's content! If you want a reply to it, leave a note for that, because I usually assume that the reader wishes no correspondence with the author. And if you read it, loved it, and didn't leave a review, I _will_ send a Talon for your head. Your figurative head. _  
_**

**REVIEW**


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